Again, I am seeing the plight of the 'western' man in his quest for a life partner.
Again, and again the similar situation arises and all you hear is - Woe is me - how could she - I'm the victim - She has just disappeared without trace - I gave her money !..what??? You gave money to a stranger.
Yes, most certainly…you are the victim!
To those that fall prey - My opinion has not changed, from the start the motives of the 'western' man is flawed and my sympathy still remains firmly with the Lady, whatever she does…misguided she may be but far from stupid, good luck to her.
I hear the same conversation time and time again - I'm getting married - I've met a lovely girl - we chat on Yahoo/MSN every night - I'm so lucky…Yeah Right !!!
I know this will not be considered politically correct, but, there is no other way of putting it - These, so called, victims are just plain 'stupid'.
Of course, you can find on the various message boards the same boring, snivelling, sympathetic piffle of the 'western male' supporters - Oh, bad luck, and you looked so good together, how could you have known? don't blame yourself - what utter crap this is.
I even saw one American proprietor offering to 'list' the alleged offending lady on his 'Blacklist'...My God, is that legal under American law?…I am really not at all sure of the legal ramifications of such a publicly accessible list of 'guilty' persons.
Guilty?.. Guilty as charged by whom, dare I say it again, a 'stupid westerner and a website!'.
You will notice I use the word 'alleged', call me 'stupid' by all means, no problem, but you cannot accuse me of not being careful, of not listening to others, of rushing into anything, of not taking my time and learning about the person, of not making absolutely sure she was indeed my life partner, of not making sure that trust, honesty and loyalty were inherent in both of us before committing to anything.
Just like any 'normal' person would.
It goes without saying, I am happily married to an adorable Chinese Lady.
Good luck to all that follow, there is a wealth of good, honest information at Nanning.net
Six basic simple normally fail safe suggestions.(1) Know the person at least 6 months before any kind of commitment.
(2) Visit the person at least twice in their home town, for at least two weeks on each occasion, preferably four weeks.
(3) Never hand over any money if asked for, for whatever reason.
(4) Buy small relatively inexpensive gifts for the person and look very carefully at the reaction.
(5) Must arrange to meet up and socialise with western contacts whilst visiting the person. This is essential. You are western, you need western opinion and suggestion.
(6) Do not rely on Chinese opinion, from whatever source. Even if it is a friend or contacts wife or girlfriend. Unless you know them personally.
Do your homework on culture and China in general.
On a much lighter note, whilst on the subject of stupidity.
I was out two weeks ago shopping in Walmart, as you do, when time has no meaning when I was accosted by an Englishman, he stopped me dead in my tracks with "are you Andrew?" Yes, I said.
Anyway to cut a very long story short, he went on to tell me that he was leaving to go back to the UK the following week and that he was a little worried.
Why, I asked. Because he said, I am not sure whether my Visa is up to date.
Mmmm, yes, your thinking the same as I did!
I tried asking all the right questions, you know, what type of visa is it, is it an 'L' visa, how long have you been here, when did you renew it, you know the sort of thing.
Well, sadly, I said I tried but to no avail as he was a man that would not let me get word in edgeways.
The gist of it, as far as I could make out was that he had been here 6 months on a first visit from the UK with one renewal in the interim.
Eventually, I must admit, I was glad to get away as I could be of no help if he wouldn't let me speak.
I have now heard, a man was stopped trying to leave China by immigration officials recently, given the option of 10 days in prison or a 5000RMB fine for not having an up to date visa…Mmmm, I wonder. If he is out there somewhere it would be great if he could fill us all in with all the gory details.